He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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