i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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