We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
