if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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