There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
