Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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