Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize