I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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