I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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