new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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