i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
