so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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