either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
