alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
