I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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