shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
