He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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