just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
