Don't make out with my wife yet
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
