i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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