i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
