it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
