Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
