ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
