Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
