and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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