I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
