I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
