So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
