Got a toothbrush?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
