I can text with my tongue
I could make wine with my vomit
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Randomize
