The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
