Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
