Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
