Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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