I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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