I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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