I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
