i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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