...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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