Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
