I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
