The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
