My room smells like vodka and shame
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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