so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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