Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
