where does the pee come out of this thing
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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