new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
