Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
