Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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