How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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