saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
