Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
