So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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