I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
