Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Randomize
