I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
People in love make me want to vomit
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
