I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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