halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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