Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
wanna go halves on a baby?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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