4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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