just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
