i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
