Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I currently don't understand fingers.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
