we have pet lesbian snakes
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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